Monday
More than four years after it was established, the Post Office Horizon inquiry is finally coming to an end. Though despite a hard-hitting interim report and a gamechanging (for public awareness) ITV drama, most post office operators are still waiting for their compensation. The campaigner Alan Bates recently wrote to Keir Starmer to ask what was going on. Twice. His first letter went unanswered. Despite £1.8bn having been for compensation in the budget, progress has been glacially slow. One of the last people to give evidence this week was the Conservative leader, Kemi Badenoch, who as business secretary from early 2023 to July this year had overall responsibility for the postal service. Most witnesses to the inquiry have begun by saying how sorry they are for the scandal, even if they have later been at pains to point out it was nothing to do with them. There was no such statement from Kemi. She is not one of Westminster’s natural empaths. Rather, she wanted to make clear she had done all she could to expedite things by writing to Jeremy Hunt suggesting that he offer £100k to all claimants. Despite the then chancellor turning her down on the grounds that it might not offer a fair deal to taxpayers, Kemi placed the blame for the holdups on the civil service. Nor could Kemi explain why she made no subsequent efforts to free up compensation over the following 12 months. Not even another letter.
Then there was the mystery of the leaking of her sacking of the Post Office chair, Henry Staunton, in January this year at a particularly convenient moment for her. Kemi seemed upset that someone had nipped in and done it before she did. She said she had sacked Staunton for serious concerns about his behaviour. Meanwhile, Staunton was adamant that he had been asked to withhold compensation because the government did not want to have to account for the money so close to the election. Kemi and Staunton can’t both be telling the truth. Though, if you follow the money, it stayed firmly out of the grasp of the post office operators.
Tuesday
It was one of the worst-kept secrets in television, but Gary Lineker has now announced he is standing down as the presenter of Match of the Day. And why not? It isn’t as if he needs the money – his Goalhanger podcasts make a fortune and he’s sure to get plenty of freelance telly and advertising work – and after more than 25 years in the job, he must be looking forward to getting his Saturday nights back during the football season.
Back in the 60s and early 70s, MotD was easily my favourite programme of the week and I used to beg my mother – the soft touch of my parents – to allow me to stay up for it. Now I barely bother to watch it. Not anything to do with Gary or his guests but because I now have almost no interest in watching games for which I know the result.
Mind you, I’m finding even live football a bit of a struggle these days as my process of falling out of love with the current Spurs team deepens. Going to every home game – including cup competitions – used to be an article of faith for me. I felt it was heresy to miss one. But now I am enjoying a feeling of renewed agency. Last Sunday we got a lovely lunch invite from friends and I realised I didn’t have to turn it down to go to White Hart Lane. So I sold my ticket. And how right I was! Because Spurs played like a team of clowns and lost to an Ipswich side that hadn’t won all season. Obviously, some fellow season ticket holders now view me as a lightweight. But I can live with that.
Wednesday
As so often, Leonard Cohen said it best. I ache in the places where I used to play. Getting old is harder than it looks. My right knee first started giving me problems in my teens and I had my first operation – a bone graft to stop the end of the femur disintegrating – when I was in my early 20s. For about 14 years I was near enough OK. I walked with a bit of a limp but could still run. Then it began to fall apart a bit and I had a series of keyhole surgeries to remove bits of cartilage and other tissue that had worked themselves loose over the next decade plus. After that the surgeon told me there was no more he could do to save the knee and the next step was a total replacement. Something I put off to my mid-50s.
I’m not sure if it was the consultant overselling the operation or me not listening properly, but my knee has never felt that great post-replacement. It’s actually been permanently swollen ever since. It didn’t help that a couple of years after the surgery the knee became infected and I needed a further operation, but it wasn’t as if the first operation had made that much difference anyway. But over the last year or so it’s got much worse. The pain has become much more insistent and I find it difficult to walk more than a mile or so, and my family find my snail-like pace annoying.
I was always told the replacement had a likely shelf life of about 15 years and I guess my time is more or less up. Only, I really can’t face the idea of going through a second replacement, which even the usually bullish surgeons admit will be less effective than the previous one. So I’m holding out until the pain becomes intolerable. It feels like my only option.
Thursday
Researchers at the University of Montpellier in France have published a study in which they have concluded that large dogs are brighter than small ones. This despite small dogs having larger brains in comparison to body size. Hmm. I now feel obliged to speak up as the owner of a dog who would be classified as medium-small. Or, as the French scientists would have it, verging on the actively dim. Now, Herbert Hound may not be a canine Einstein but he’s not a halfwit.
Let’s look at the evidence. First, we need to establish what we mean by dog intelligence. Researchers tend to assume any mutt that is easy to train must be quite bright. Herbie would argue the opposite. Take sheepdogs. Running around all day in fields rounding up sheep. Why on earth would any dog in their right mind want to do that? If humans care so much about sheep then they should do it themselves. Now take police dogs. How much fun can it be sniffing suitcases for traces of illegal drugs all day? You get Herbie’s drift. Far from being a sign of great intelligence, the ability to be trained to do the jobs that no one else wants to do is basically a sign of stupidity. Or at the very least, extreme gullibility.
Take Herbie’s day. Basically, he has trained my wife and me. Not the other way round. He gets to do all the things he likes to do. He goes for walks. He gets fed. He gets to have a doze on our bed. The whole of the day is his to do more or less as he pleases. Certainly since his retirement from a frontline job in No 10 for the past decade or so. Otherwise he likes to read and watch TV. He even persuaded me to become his ghostwriter. I’d say these were all signs of a brilliant mind and a life well lived.
Friday
It’s come to something when you take a look at the appointment of JD Vance and Marco Rubio to the new White House team and think they don’t sound that bad. Over the last couple of days Donald Trump appears to have been on a mission to assemble a cast of the mad and the actively dangerous. Almost as if the lesson he took away from his first term in office was there was no point trying to have people trying to run a normal government. Now he has gone for broke by putting together a team whose only qualification for the job is absolute loyalty. Don’t put it past him to try to relitigate the 2020 presidential election and change the rules to allow him to stand for a third term.
Just look at the new squad. Robert F Kennedy Jr in as health secretary. A confirmed anti-vaxxer and conspiracy theorist. Thousands could die on his watch and he may reckon he’d done a great job. His father will be turning in his grave. In as director of national intelligence is Tulsi Gabbard, yet another former Democrat who has recently made the strange journey to the libertarian right. Many believe she has been groomed by the Russians. Don’t forget that Nigel Farage now argues that UK foreign policy should be nothing more than an extension of US foreign policy. As the new attorney general we have the thoroughly unpleasant Matt Gaetz, a man under investigation in sex, drug and financial misconduct offences. A man who is barely one step ahead of the law himself.
Then there’s Pete Hegseth, a Fox News alt-right shock jock presenter, as defence secretary. An army veteran who has swapped real wars for culture wars. Last but not least, the weirdest man on the planet – as well as the richest – Elon Musk as director of government efficiency. And there were we thinking that a shadow cabinet that included Badenoch, Priti Patel, Chris Philp, Robert Jenrick and Mark Francois made the UK look like a laughing stock. We’ve a way to go yet.
• Taking the Lead by John Crace is published by Little, Brown (£18.99). To support the Guardian and Observer, order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.
• A year in Westminster: John Crace, Marina Hyde and Pippa Crerar. On Tuesday 3 December, join Crace, Hyde and Crerar as they look back at a political year like no other, live at the Barbican in London and livestreamed globally. Book tickets here or at guardian.live.
